Just in case you, like me, don’t really know what the Economic Stimulus Program is all about, I am about to enlighten you.

President Obama and his Cabinet, all eight percent of them who have been in business or had real jobs in the private sector like most of us taxpayers provided the near trillion dollars Economic Stimulus Package that they say saved the country and provided jobs for the unemployed.

You might ask how can they prove this? The answer of course is you can’t because you can’t prove a negative.

These great Democratic thinkers have now passed another Stimulus bill for $600,000,000 (that’s Billions with a capital B). You might ask the question “where will they get the money? No problem Mon, they will just print it and get it back from Senator Russell Long’s “that man behind the tree”.

I can’t take credit for the simple explanation of the Stimulus Program that follows because I flunked Economics in college and I never was a banker.

Therefore I have to give credit to “Uncle Red”, both an economics major and a banker from Lafayette who sent the following from the Internet. It is so simple even I can understand it.

“Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Questions and Answers format.



Q. What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment?

A. It is money that the federal government

will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back

my own money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to

purchase a high-definition TV set, thus

stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up!



Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

** If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or SriLanka.

** If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

** If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.

** If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala

** If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

**If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

**If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

**Instead, keep the money in America by: (1) Spending it at yard sales, or (2) Going to ball games, or (3) Spending it on prostitutes, or (4) beer or (5) tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U. S.)

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed hooker that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.

No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.

That’s my story and I am sticking to it.

Milo A. Nickel is the former President and COO of Louisiana State Newspapers.